The Value of a Valentine

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Since for me this is the first Valentine's Day of being a married man, this time of year calls for some reflection on the bond I have with my wife. It seems like just a month or two ago that she and I declared vows to each other that would last for a lifetime. To step forward to formally affirm such a bond with another person is no small feat considering we live in an age that is rife with divorce and where non-committed live-in relationships are becoming increasingly popular.

In all honesty, I think it's difficult to deny that one of the greatest parts of life is having a partner there for you. I look back to the time before my wife came along to shake me out of the daze I was in and shudder to think where I would be today if she had not been there to give me the confidence I never would have found otherwise. Sure, I might have a ways to go when it comes to holding my own around others, but she took me by the hand and led me through the first steps to becoming a better person. She remains confident that I can be who I want to and I'm excited to discover a little more of that each day.

I urge anyone who is struggling to find direction to find it in a significant other. He or she will be there to life you up when you are going through tough times, will understand who you are better than anyone else, will be there to share your experiences, and won't judge you for being yourself! That is the true value of having a valentine.

Just Do It

Such a simple phrase, but a powerful one nonetheless. "Just Do It" is a phrase that begs an individual to put aside all doubts and simply go for a goal. It's no wonder why Nike chose this tagline to brand its shoes. Many jocks and fans alike feel a sense of empowerment when they put on a pair, because Nike will help give them the boost they need to win the game.

Games are usually thought of as activities that involve competition like a sport such as basketball or a game of logic like chess. In reality, anything that sets up a goal to meet can be thought of as a game. Maybe you want to learn a new skill or move to a higher-ranking position at your job? Those are examples of goals that we set up for ourselves and the playing field is made up of our means to get there.

One of the critical parts of winning any game is to formulate a strategy. Just like the players on a team follow the plans laid out by the coach, people will spend hours or months reading and researching different ways to meet their goals. However, just like Nike's slogan, there's no point in putting so much effort into planning if you don't just do it.

This I think is the best way to pursue any goal. It's all too easy to build yourself up, only to let yourself slide back into the lazy pile of excuses a week or two later. The key is to just force yourself to take steps, however small, towards your goal each week and track your progress. You will be surprised at how far you come in a short amount of time. I've surprised myself from just practicing piano - a skill I thought I'd be a little too old to learn - two or three times each week for a couple months.

Make your goal into a game. Keep track of your progress and give yourself a reward for each landmark that you hit. Don't let yourself get discouraged if you start to slack because the journey to your goal isn't necessarily about being good at whatever you're learning, but about growing as an individual.

Scatterbrain

In my life, I'm continually reminded of a problem that is simple to diagnose, but extremely difficult to overcome. It's something I call "Scatterbrain". It involves approaching many elements to the current task at hand and feeling unable to tend to them in an orderly way. A simpler way of putting it is being "flustered".

Just doing some quick browsing online has allowed me to come up with a few tips for the situation:

1. Approach the day with a task list. Having a list of what you need/want to accomplish in a day keeps you on track.
2. Track your progress. Knowing that you are coming closer to achieving your goals is a powerful way to keep you motivated. No one wants to push in one direction only to find out they haven't gone anywhere.
3. Apply time-boxing to your projects. If you are juggling multiple tasks, try working on one for a limited period, then start on the next. This keeps your mind fresh and helps you avoid beating your head over a single problem.
4. Set up an appropriate background. Your choice of music can make a difference on your level of focus. Personally, I find that the less lyrics there are, the less distracted I am (especially when reading). Also, I find that the some of the best music to keep me focused lies between mellow and upbeat: Not so loud and energetic that I feel like I'm in a rave but also not so slow that I want to fall asleep.
5. Bring a bottle. There is something to be said about staying hydrated. Having a bottle of water next to you will prevent you from making frequent trips to the water cooler.
6. Walk away. This may seem contradictory, but sometimes the best way to keep your mind on track is to let it have a break. Take a couple minutes every hour or two to get up and stretch. You will be a little more refreshed when you come back and will be better able to continue in your work.
7. Keep clean. Just like it's important to have a list of goals in mind, it's also important to keep your physical and digital workspaces orderly. This includes putting away things you don't currently need and closing programs you're not using anymore. Having to spend an extra 5 minutes searching around for what you need won't help you avoid breaking your focus.
8. Rethink your perspective. Yes, you're doing work. Yes, it's not like being at a water park. Even though you may not always take pride in what you do, you have control over how you think about it. As laborsome as it can be, work gives us purpose. It gives us a way to impact our world and be rewarded. Think of what things would be like if you just sat around all day. Sure, it would be nice at first, but you would grow bored. Without goals to drive toward, life quickly becomes pointless, so be thankful for the goals you have and don't groan in pursuing them. Take them as opportunities to learn and grow as an individual.

I hope this helps your productivity as I hope it will help mine. :)

Like a Phoenix

One of the most interesting parts of life is that it constantly presents forks in the road. Most of the time, we don't think much of them. Other times, we take them with the utmost seriousness, especially when they seem to determine the rest of our lives. A funny thing about the roads we travel in life is that even though we become comfortable with one path, we can always take the next fork to another. This, I think, is something that is grossly overlooked.

For example, I've spent most of my life wanting to engage in some creative art form, but most of the time when I came to an opportunity to travel down a path that involved one such activity, I wouldn't have the motivation to actually do it. I was too used to the "straight and narrow" - the path that felt most secure to me. What if I encountered obstacles on the artistic road, or worse, came to a dead end? Fear kept me from branching out and instead left me sticking to the books.

Well, the books have given me a lot of knowledge, but I am left lacking skill and true passion. With the recent death of a true visionary icon, I think about the kinds of effects that deviating from the normal and the routine have. Here was a true mover and shaker and all because he wasn't afraid to pursue change. I know that anyone has the potential to do great things and enrich the world, so why can't I?

So here I am, making a vow to let my past life of fear and regrets pass away and let a new life of passion and pursuits be born. If you are finding yourself in an unfulfilling position in life, I encourage you to do the same. This life only comes to you once, so do yourself a favor and let it flourish like a newborn phoenix.

Rediscovering Motivation

Needing some help in a time when confidence is becoming harder to come by, I found an interesting article that illustrates how overgeneralization ties to demotivation. Overgeneralization involves taking a single example of something and applying it to every possible instance when it is not rational to do so. For example, a person might see a teenager dressed in hipster clothing, leading her to come to the conclusion that all teenagers want to be gangsters. There exist plenty of teenagers that don't want to be gangsters and it's possible that the one in this example has no choice but to dress like one so this conclusion is an overgeneralization.

Overgeneralization results in demotivation when it causes us to drag ourselves through the mud. There come countless times in life when we work hard at something just to have it go wrong or build up towards a goal just to have a barrier rise up in front of it. It's extraordinarily easy for us to conclude that the cause of the problem isn't in what we did, but rather something about ourselves. Far too quickly we come to conclusions like “That conversation didn't go well because I'm incurably awkward.” or “I didn't get the job because I'm hopeless.” In reality, how unlikely is it that the other person just wasn't being understanding or that the job really wasn't a good fit? It's critical to evaluate the situation before putting the pin on yourself.

As the article states, Martin Seligman and his colleagues discovered that the two most deadly assumptions you can make about a setback is that the cause is permanent and that the cause is pervasive. Permanence says, "This is always going to be here and I'm stuck with it”. Pervasiveness says, "My life is ruined because of this". These are very unrealistic conclusions, but they are conclusions that are very easy for our realistic minds to pick up.

The key to avoiding this line of thinking is to catch yourself in the act. It's important to remember that we all experience setbacks and they are there to learn from rather than to tear us down. Before you come to the conclusion that you're inherently bad, check your line of thinking for an overgeneralization. When you find it, you will instantly feel your negativity lose its edge and your motivation come back to life. You will be able to get back up and continue to pursue that which you love, undefeated.

If you would like to read more, here is the article.

Heralding Autumn

With the average weekly temperature gradually dropping and a few more leaves hitting the ground each day, it's hard not to see that autumn is upon us. It's a time of transition from the hot, muggy summer to a cool, frosty winter. It's also my personal favorite time of year. The cool weather, the colors of the turning trees, and the hint of gloom in the atmosphere make it a unique time for reflection.

As the environment transitions, the season can be seen as a time for the individual to transition as well. Let whatever promises you've made to yourself that have been broken fall off of you like leaves. You can still work on yourself so that when springtime comes, you will arise anew!

At A Juncture

The unemployed life has given me an opportunity to weigh the next step I take. As I peruse through the openings online, I have to consider if each opening will take me in the right direction or if I'll just end up back in this position. In my search for a new job, I've found that the software development realm has become a place for people who have a much greater obsession with technology than I have. Almost every job posting I've run across requires pre-existing programming experience in several different languages over a much longer time than my meek 1-2 years of exposure. Along with the years and years of experience that is required, a lot of the descriptions contain statements like "Positive, motivated, energetic, flexible, attitude and attention to detail a must!" which pretty much says you need to eat, sleep, and breathe code for the job to work.

I'm a geek, truly. There's no other way to look at it. I've never been very physically coordinated nor do I consider myself particularly good with interpersonal communication. I love tech and geek culture (though you can leave out the zombies) and I enjoy more creative pastimes like music and art. However, I don't have the obsession that seems to be required to be truly successful in my industry. What's wrong with me? I can only describe it as a difficulty with finding a passion. Most geeks get good at what they do because they always have pet projects to pursue. I never came up with one because my ideas were hardly new and I always figured why would I want to reinvent the wheel?

Now I realize that my problem has been letting myself be overly critical. It's a case of analyzing the situation in a way where any fault means that the idea is not worth pursuing. Well, by sticking to this frame of mind, a person will never achieve anything! If you think you'll have fun getting into something, just go for it! Who cares if someone else has done it, maybe you can do it better? Even if you end up dumping your pursuit, you'll have learned along the way. That's the new attitude I've been trying to pick up so I can get more in touch with my geek self. As I step into the next path in my career, I will keep an open mind to new ideas and new pursuits, because they can only make me stronger.